Dear Mom and Dad,
Since I have been away at college I have been remiss in writing and I am sorry thoughtlessness in not having written before. I will bring you up to date but before I do please sit down. Are you sitting down? It is very important that you sit down before you continue reading this letter.
I am getting along pretty well now that the skull fracture and concussion have healed. I got them when I jumped out of my dormitory window when my dormitory caught on fire shortly after my arrival. I only get those sick headaches a couple of times a day. Fortunately, the fire in my dorm and my jump was witnessed by an attendant at a gas station. He ran over, took me to the hospital, and continued to visit me there.
When I got out of the hospital, I had no place to live because of the burnt out condition of my room. So he was kind enough to let me share his basement bedroom apartment with him. It’s sort of small but very cute. He’s a very fine young man and we have fallen deeply in love. We are planning to get married. We haven’t set the exact date yet but it will be before my pregnancy begins to show.
Yes, mom and dad, I’m pregnant. I know how much you are looking forward to being grandparents and I know you will welcome the baby and give it the same tender love and care that you gave me when I was a child. The reason for the delay is that my boyfriend has an infection that I carelessly caught from him. I know, however, that you will welcome him into our family with open arms. He is kind and though not well educated, he is ambitious. Although he is of a different race and religion than ours I know that your often expressed tolerance will not allow you to be bothered by that.
In conclusion, now that I have brought you up to date, I want to tell you that there was no dorm fire. I did not have a concussion or skull fracture. I was not in the hospital. I am not pregnant. I do not have infection. There is no boyfriend in my life. However, I have failed history and science. I wanted you to see these facts in proper perspective. Proper perspective changes everything.
–I heard this story from C.J. Mahaney at the 2008 Straight Up Conference at Harvest Bible Chapel in Elgin, IL.